HOW TO RECOVER FROM A BAD RELATIONSHIP PART. 3

By: RC Blakes, Jr.

 HOW TO RECOVER FROM A BAD RELATIONSHIP Part 3

 "How To Repair Your Heart"

 The greatest tragedy of a bad relationship is often heart break. The danger of a broken heart is that seeds of dysfunction and self loathing can plant in the cracks of your heart.

 1. REMEMBER THAT GOD IS THE ONLY HEART HEALER

IMPACT POINT! The Natural Tendency Is To Seek Healing In A Person After A Bad Relationship Ends.

No one can heal the heart but it's maker. God feels your pain and he alone has the balm to restore your hearts health.

Psalms 34:18

18 The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

The major aspect of recovery is to release the venom by talking about your truest feelings about it.

IMPACT POINT! Express Your Hurt And Pain To God.

When bouncing back from a bad relationship it is always unwise to articulate all of your feelings to people, because you don't know who you may trust. When you need to vent lock up with God and get it out.

Job 7:11
11 Therefore I will not refrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.

 2. REFOCUS ON YOUR VISION AND PERSONAL GOALS

A bad relationship always takes you off of the course of your destiny and purpose. When you come out you must recapture your vision and personal goals.

IMPACT POINT! There Is A Season When Its Necessary To Get Back To Doing You.

Proverbs 13:12

12 Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.

IMPACT POINT! The Greatest Bridge Out Of Negativity Is Positive Momentum

3.   REFUSE TO GIVE THE OFFENDER THE POWER OVER YOUR CLOSURE

Too many people get caught in the quick sand of the need for closure. By this they mean they want an apology, sincere remorse and an expression of heart break on the part of the offender. THIS RARELY HAPPENS.

IMPACT POINT! This Is An Unrealistic Expectation Of People Who Often Don't Have The Character Components To Respond In Any Sincere Way. Closure Is Found In Rapid Forgiveness.

 Matthew 18:21

21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

Why does Jesus encourage limitless forgiveness? FORGIVENESS PROTECTS THE HEART. Forgiveness is not about letting the offender off of the hook, it's about keeping you off of the hook.

IMPACT POINT! Once You Allow Offense To Set Up In Your Heart The Only Closure Is For The Person To Apologize. This Gives The Offender Power Over Your Happiness And Future.

Acts 24:16

16 And herein do I exercise myself, to have always a conscience void of offence toward God, and toward men.

Don't live being offended. Condition your mind to find closure through forgiveness.

IMPACT POINT! As Long As You Have A Need For Them To Repent You'll Live In An Emotional Prison Of Which They Have The Key.

ILLUSTRATION: When a person almost drowns in water they don't stay in the water waiting for an apology. They simply separate themselves from the source of the anxiety with no apology needed. It's the nature of water to drown. Sometimes we are waiting on people to be who they are not.

4.   RESUME YOUR LIFE BY ESTEEMING YOURSELF

After David returned to Jerusalem with the Ark of the covenant, he had praised God so vigorously that he had danced out of his clothes. His wife and Saul’s daughter proceeded to belittle him. David's response is instructional.

2 Samuel 6:21

21 And David said unto Michal, It was before the Lord, which chose me before thy father, and before all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the Lord, over Israel: therefore will I play before the Lord.

David's response to her verbal abuse is more for himself than for her. He affirms who God made him and he affirms what he will do. He refuses to allow the seeds of a bad relationship alter

his self view or future ambitions.

   5. REDEFINE THE EXPERIENCE AS AN EXPENSIVE EDUCATION AS OPPOSED TO A WASTE OF YOUR LIFE

A major item to come to terms with is the time you invested in the relationship. How does one account for years given to something that dies not go the distance?

IMPACT POINT! You Account For It As A Life School Course.

Hebrews 5:8

8 Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered;

Jesus learned obedience through his sufferings but all suffering is an education to those who pay attention.

IMPACT POINT!  If You Don't Learn The Lessons You Will Definitely Repeat The Course.

HOW TO RECOVER FROM A BAD RELATIONSHIP PART 2

By: R.C. Blakes, Jr.

HOW TO RECOVER FROM A BAD RELATIONSHIP Part 2

No matter how painful a broken relationship might be you must always remember that God is on your side. There is nothing you're going through that God is not at work to help you out of.

YOU CAN RECOVER!

Psalms 34:19

19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.

HOW TO RECOVER:

 1. REDISCOVER YOURSELF

A bad relationship is marked by at least one party intentionally draining the self respect, self confidence, self esteem and self awareness out of the other through emotional, physical or verbal abuse. This is what David’s wife tried to do to him.

2 Samuel 6:20 -21

20 Then David returned to bless his household. And Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, how glorious was the king of Israel today, who uncovered himself today in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants, as one of the vain fellows shamelessly uncovereth himself! 21 And David said unto Michal, It was before the Lord, which chose me before thy father, and before all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the Lord, over Israel: therefore will I play before the Lord.

This woman was attempting to rob David of his sense of worship. A bad relationship always seeks to diminish you in some sense.

A relationship, in general tends to occupy and even consume your life, especially a marital relationship or even a serious relationship.

1 Corinthians 7:33-34

33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

You can spend so much time trying to fit into the relationship that you step outside of yourself.

IMPACT POINT! There Is Little Worse Than A Bad Marriage Or Would Be Marriage. It Robs You Of Your Entire Sense Of Self Knowledge Or Awareness Intentionally.

ILLUSTRATION: A marriage functions at it's highest level when the two become one; but, the two must maintain their own sense of personal identity to make a marriage. A marriage is like a pair of shoes; though the two must function in concert the pair does not work if the left shoe loses it's identity and begins to behave like the right shoe.

A person can fill your life with such drama that you forget who you are and what you want or deserve trying to keep a dysfunctional relationship afloat.

IMPACT POINT! When Coming Out Of A Bad Relationship You Must Take The Time To Rediscover Yourself.

In other words, you must take the time to contemplate the desires, hopes and dreams that God originally placed in your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

The expected end is a particular destiny that Gods mapped out for you. It's a life that God's planned for you.

HOW DO WE REDISCOVER OURSELVES?

a. Ask Yourself What Do I Like?

b. Ask What Do I Want?

c. Where Do I Want To Go?

d. What Will It Take For Me To Have What I Want?

IMPACT POINT! Once You Know The Answers To These Questions You Can Now Make A Wise Decision About Who Really Fits Into Your Life.

2. REJECT THE BITTERNESS

A bad relationship naturally produces seeds of bitterness, resentment and anger because it consumes and wastes your most precious commodity, which is your time.

IMPACT POINT! It Is A Matter Of Self Preservation To Reject Bitterness.

Hebrews 12:15

15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

HOW DOES BITTERNESS TROUBLE THE OFFENDED?

a. Bitterness Marries You To The Offender Emotionally

b. Bitterness Cements Your Life To A Negative Place In Your Past

c. Bitterness Prevents God From Doing A New Thing In Your Life

d. Bitterness Will Redefine And Pervert Your Character If Not Dealt With

Isaiah 43:18-19

18 Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old.Isaiah 19 Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.

If you don't move in you will never move on.

THE GREATEST COMPLIMENT YOU MAY GIVE AN OFFENDER IS TO REMEMBER THEM. FORGET ABOUT IT.

Ecclesiastes 7:9

9 Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.

IMPACT POINT! Bitterness Will Change Who You Are If You Entertain It.

 3. REMAIN OPEN TO PEOPLE

In as much as it is not usually wise to move from one bad relationship into another too quickly, you must also stay open to entertain people for who they are and not based on your previous bad experiences. You can find yourself closed off from the world because of offense.

Proverbs 18:19

19 A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.

IMPACT POINT! A Bad Relationship Can Give You A Cynical View Of The Whole World And You'll Find Yourself Treating Everyone Poorly Because Of The Actions Of One.

 Proverbs 18:24

24 A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

IMPACT POINT! Remaining Open Does Not Mean To Be Gullible But To Cautiously Discern Each Person For Who They Are.

1 John 4:1
1 Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF:

a. How Does This Person Make Me Feel?

b. Can This Person Support My Future?

c. Can I Live With This Persons Negatives?

d. Does This Person Accept Me For Who I Am?

e. Does This Person Bring Me Closer To God?

 

 

 

 

 

 

HOW TO RECOVER FROM A BAD RELATIONSHIP PART 1

By: R.C. Blakes, Jr.

 

HOW TO RECOVER FROM A BAD RELATIONSHIP

(Part 1)

There are few things in life that are worse than being in a relationship that is not ordained of God, it disrupts your personal sense of happiness and impedes your developing into all that God ordained you to be.  2 Corinthians 6:14

14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

The principle of this text is that we are not designed to fit in relationships with any and everybody.

IMPACT POINT! Relationships Require Thought and Clarity; Because, What Looks Good Today Can Be Detrimental Tomorrow.

ILLUSTRATION: Theres a country song where a man tells the story of a woman he wanted so badly that it broke his heart when it didn't work out. Years later he saw her again and she was 150 lbs heavier, unkept, toothless and loud. He left away from that encounter shaking his head and saying "one of Gods greatest gifts is unanswered prayer.

Sometimes the rejection of man is the protection of God. God had to orchestrate it that in the life of Joseph his brothers would reject him to protect Joseph from their limiting influence.

1 Corinthians 15:33
33 Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.

There are times that we unintentionally find ourselves in bad relationships.

One of the clearest signs is when we begin to behave out of character as the result of connecting with the wrong people.

IMPACT POINT! Not Only Does A Bad Relationship Cause You To Behave Out Of Character It Leaves You Feeling Bad About Yourself. It Depletes the Self Esteem Nutrient.

Right relationships are people who love you for who you are and support where you're going.

 HOW TO RECOVER

1.    RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO REPLACE PEOPLE TO QUICKLY

The first issue with recovering from a bad relationship is to break the relationship addiction. Most people who are in one bad relationship after another are addicted to people.

IMPACT POINT! People Addicts Never Fully Love Themselves And Settle For Anybody, Just To Have Someone There.

The reality is that a person who rushes into another relationship vetoer they've learned the necessary lessons from the previous has a self love issue and is not qualified to be in relationship yet.

Matthew 22:39

39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.

IMPACT POINT! We Can Only Love Others To The Degree We Love Ourselves.

When you love yourself you have no problem being with just you. When you love yourself you don't subject yourself to abuse and disrespect by others. This person usually falls back into the same situation with different people who possess the same character.

ILLUSTRATION: In the popular song, "To The Left", she says: "I can have another you in a miniute, he'll be here in a minute". QUESTION: WHY WOULD SHE GET THE SAME KIND OF DUDE IN DIFFERENT CLOTHES? She's addicted to relationship and her self-esteem is empty.

To safely navigate the turbulent waters of relationships will require personal discernment. That is the ability to see a person for more than what they appear to be on the surface and discernment takes time.

1 John 4:1

1 Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.

Never trust that people are what they say they are. Take your time and test them.

THREE REASONS YOU NEED TO TAKE TIME BEFORE MOVING INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP:

 a. Process why you got into that relationship in the beginning.

b. Clearly define what you really need and want in your life.

c. Correct whatever is deficient in you that moves you towards the wrong people.

 2.    RENEW YOUR THINKING TO ATTRACT THE RIGHT PEOPLE

Our hearts and thinking function like magnets in life. WE ATTRACT TO US WHATEVER WE ARE IN OUR HEARTS.

Proverbs 4:23

23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.

The heart here speaks of your thinking or consciousness. You may say you want xyz but if your heart is not established on that level you will never get what you say you want until your inside agrees.

IMPACT POINT! You Dont Attract What You Want; You Attract What You Are.

If you are tired of attracting bad people you must know that there is something in your thinking that calls for this type of person. FOR INSTANCE: You may think that you're not ghetto but if all you attract are ghetto people you just might be ghetto.

QUOTE: "Dont Be A Nickle Looking For A Dime" LYFE JENNINGS

Romans 12:2

2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

HOW TO RENEW THINKING

a. Rehearse Your Worth Until You Remember

b. Meditate on who you are until you automatically reject less

3.    REPOSITION YOURSELF AND REDEFINE YOUR CIRCLE

While your thinking is in the process of being renewed you need to put yourself in a circle where you may meet and encounter quality people.

IMPACT POINT! If You're A Woman Looking For A Husband The Night Club Is Probably Not The Best Circle. While You"re Wanting Someone To Love You For The Rest Of Your Life In The Club They Are Only Going To Love You For The Rest Of The Night.

Proverbs 13:20

20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.

IMPACT POINT! You Can't Catch A Whale When You're Fishing From The Bank. If You Want A Whale You Must Expand Your Circle.

4. RECOMMIT TO THE PRIMARY AND ETERNAL RELATIONSHIP

There is but one mandatory relationship and when we focus and perfect that relationship all others fall into order.

IMPACT POINT! The Mandatory Relationship Is Your Relationship With God.

Psalms 27:10

10 When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.